


A Different Trajectory

by elflordsmistress



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, F/M, Post Bartlett Administration
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-21
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-16 21:20:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 17,681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29582265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elflordsmistress/pseuds/elflordsmistress
Summary: What if things didn't get wrapped up neatly with a bow at the end of Institutional Memory?
Relationships: Abbey Bartlet/Jed Bartlet, Danny Concannon/C. J. Cregg, Josh Lyman/Donna Moss
Comments: 74
Kudos: 35





	1. Revelations

**Author's Note:**

  * For [piperset](https://archiveofourown.org/users/piperset/gifts).



> It is my belief that when CJ showed up at Danny's door at the end of 'Institutional Memory' she had every intention of calling things off, and that Danny helped her put herself and her needs first. 
> 
> I want to explore a different trajectory but - in the spirit of full disclosure - still have this be canon by the end.
> 
> You will need to think of CJ as the overwrought and emotionally spent individual that she was at the end of that episode. Those of you who have read 'Hypnotized By Complexity' will recognize that the first part of this borrows heavily from that. 
> 
> Donna| Josh and Abbey|Jed feature in this - but at heart it is a story about CJ and Danny.

_**Danny’s Apartment** _   
_**Adams Morgan, Washington DC** _   
_**January 5th, 2007 @ 9pm** _

She was so bone tired she didn’t have the will to make her case anymore. 

“So, uh, do you want me to take one of the board of directors jobs? It’s only a couple of hours a month.”

“ _Where the hell did that come from?_ ”

“I’m _trying_. You want to be involved, I’m-“

“I want you to do what you _want_. _Take_ the job at the White House. I just want you to talk to me about it. I want us to talk about what it’ll mean and how we’ll make it work. I want us to talk like we’re going to figure it out together. I want us to talk because I like the sound of your _voice_. I just want to _talk_.”

It occurred to her in the middle of his spiel that she had been telling him what she thought he wanted to hear, and that somehow she’d had it all backwards since their afternoon chat.

“Franklin Hollis wants me to take ten billion dollars and go and fix the world.”

“That sounds like _fun_ ,” he said as he stepped a little closer. “Does that sound like fun to _you?_ "

She nodded, her gaze fixed on him as though she was experiencing an epiphany of sorts.

“Do you _want_ to work at the White House?” 

The look in his eyes breached the last of her defences.

 _I want to be with you_ , her heart screamed. 

She shook her head. Slowly at first, and then with a bit more vigour as he smiled at her. 

_I want to be with you_.

She closed her eyes and swallowed compulsively; thinking about something to keep the conversation going.

“There’s a typo in the Constitution,” she said when she looked up.

“Well, someone should look into that.”

“Toby’s going to deal with it.”

“Okay. What else?”

“Margaret and Charlie were packing up my office when I got in this morning.”

“I guess they had to start sometime,” he said understandingly as he moved closer.

She nodded but didn't answer.

He saved her from having to come up with anything else by saying, “would you like to give me your coat?”

“It was a bad day today, Danny,” she said as she handed it over.

He wondered what else had happened that she wouldn't be able to tell him about, but resisted the temptation to ask and simply reached out and squeezed her shoulder.

“Did you ever eat?” he inquired gently.

“I can’t remember.”

He watched her, still not convinced she wasn’t going to do a runner.

“I’m going to fix something for you, okay?”

“Okay.”

They were halfway through eating when she spoke again.

“Matt Santos did a real number on my head today.”

Danny listened as she told him about the two separate conversations with the President-Elect.

“Why does this feel so complicated?”

“Because you’re still in Chief of Staff mode. Matt Santos made you an offer and told you you couldn’t refuse it. He knew what he was doing. You’ve been conditioned to think this way.”

“I’m saying no first thing tomorrow.”

“Okay. Want to tell me more about Frank Hollis?"

“He wants to work on a single problem. He seems to think I have a unique perspective.”

“Pretty sure you do.”

“Highways in Africa. And then get a start on plumbing.”

“I can see why he offered you ten billion dollars. Not something you could raise money easily for.”

“That’s what I said," she said as she stifled a yawn.

He took it as his cue to start clearing the plates.

“It’s been a long day for you.”

“Can I sleep here tonight?” she asked when he was busy stacking the dishwasher.

Danny looked surprised, but he simply stepped up behind her and dropped a kiss to the top of her head.

“I guess I could put up with bad breath for one night. Tomorrow I’m buying you a toothbrush to keep here, though.”

She kissed the hand that he had placed on her shoulder.

“Why don’t you go ahead,” he said gently. “I need to send an email, but I’ll be in soon.”

“Okay.”

* * *

Danny couldn’t remember the last time she'd cried when they made love. Maybe in the days after Leo’s death? Once when she’d had an acrimonious conversation with Josh over something transition-related. 

This felt different, though, and the moment he realized she was back to not making eye contact with him he rolled off her and lay on his back.

He picked his words carefully as he took one of her hands in his.

“You came here tonight to break things off, didn’t you?” When she didn’t answer he added, “and there’s something you haven't told me yet.”

The silence stretched.

"CJ?"

“I think Toby has feelings for me,” she said quietly.

“Is that where you were before you came here?”

There was no anger or irritation in his voice - just a desire to know where things stood.

_“You showed up here at eight o’clock at night with a bottle of a wine asking me about a pardon which we both know is out of the question, telling me about a man who’s crowding you. I think a lot of things.”_

_“You think I came here to take advantage of you before they cart you off to the big house?”_

_“I think you don’t know why you came here? You’re a woman with a lot of options. You’re acting like the world is backing you into a corner. Bouncing from one thing to the next. From Bartlet to Santos to Danny to me. Maybe you should stop bouncing, pick something. What do you want?"_

_“I don’t know. I’d like to learn how to make a chicken like that.”_

_“Put a lemon up it and toss on some rosemary. ”_

_“Yeah?”_

_"Yeah, a little salt."_

_“I’d like to learn how to ski. I think that would be soothing. Be a ski bum. Operate the ski lift for six months. Clear my head.”_

_“It’s a chair lift.”_

_“Well, first I’d learn the lingo. Take it from there.”_

_“I missed you.”_

_“Yeah. We had it good there for a while.”_

_“Yeah we did. You should go.”_

The moment she’d finished the retell she second-guessed her need to tell him every single part of the conversation - and was taken by complete surprise when he started to stroke her hand.

His voice was gentle when he spoke and it threw her off completely.

“If you don’t know what you want, and if you feel I’m crowding you, this is a bigger conversation.”

His touch was different now. The intimacy was gone.

This felt more like comfort and it made her defensive and almost angry.

“I didn’t want to have secrets.”

“ Whether you reciprocate Toby’s feelings or not - "

“I want to be with _you_ ,” fell out of her mouth before she could stop herself.

 _"Please let me finish._ The weight of someone else’s emotions is a big thing to carry around, CJ. Especially when it's someone you've been close to the way you've been close with Toby. Whether you reciprocate his feelings or not, you just brought him into our relationship."

“What are you saying?”

“I’m saying that you should take the weekend to think about it. Whether you do that by talking to Toby or figuring it out on your own is going to have to be your call, but you can’t take refuge from it with me."

"I'm sorry .." she said as a tear slipped down her cheek.

Danny pressed her knuckles to his mouth so hard that both of their hands shook.

"You should go home.”


	2. Mending Fences

_**The Oval Room** _   
_**Washington, DC** _   
_**Tuesday, January 9th** _

Donna struck Josh’s fork down as he attempted to sneak some more food from her plate.

“It’s been like this ever since we got back from Hawaii,” she said with a roll of her eyes.

“I've been hoping for details,” CJ said with a smile as she took a sip of her red wine.

Josh’s face twisted into a grimace.

“Is this going to be one of those dinners where you girl gush?”

CJ and Donna looked at one another.

“ _Girl gush?_ ” 

“Is that even a thing?”

“Where you freely share intimate details that would make a grown man blush ..”

“You know you’re going to be sorry you said that, right, Joshua?” CJ asked as she clinked glasses with Donna.

“Saved by the phone,” Josh said happily as vibrated beside his drink. “Hey Danny! I’m sitting with your significant other. Wanna say hello to her?”

He was about to hand over the phone when the response from the other end of the line gave him pause.

“Okay?” His eyes cut to CJ and then dropped immediately to his plate. “Sure. That’s great. Let me know, yeah?”

Josh ran a hand across his mouth when he put his phone back on the table.

“I wasn’t aware that you and Danny aren’t together anymore.”

The nonplussed look on her face made him narrow his eyes at her.

“He said to tell you that he packed up your stuff and gave it to Carol before he left.”

“Left?”

Donna touched his arm lightly.

“I’m going to go to the ladies’ room,” she said before getting up from table.

CJ looked as if she was shaking cobwebs from her head.

“You do know he’s in California, right?”

“California? When did this happen? "

“The interview?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“When’s the last time you spoke to him?”

“Four days ago?”

“You’re not sure?”

“It’s complicated with work. The days blend together, as you well know.”

“You don’t see each other at the weekend?”

“I, uh .. not this weekend. We had a - “

She broke off when Donna reappeared at table.

“I’m going to head back to the apartment and let you guys talk,” she said, picking up her handbag.

“Okay." Josh snuck a hand around her waist and gave her a small squeeze.

“You really don’t need to leave ..”

“I think I should. I’ll call you. _Take your time_ ,” she said to Josh before returning the squeeze and leaving.

Josh watched her until she disappeared from sight and then turned back to CJ.

“What interview?”

“The University of Sou - hang on, _what happened four days ago_?”

He stared speechlessly at her as she told him.

“Why would you tell him something like that?”

“I didn’t want us to have any secrets.”

“Okay, but did you _take_ the weekend and speak to Toby? Or think about it or what have you?”

“I spent the better part of the weekend in the situation room and most of yesterday and today in meetings, Josh.”

“And you couldn’t take five minutes to call Danny and tell him that?”

“We don’t talk on the phone. Danny and I don’t have that kind of relationship.”

“So what kind of relationship _do_ you have? The _friends with benefits_ kind where you show up at his place whenever you have an itch to scratch?”

“Don’t be crass, Josh.”

“ _Crass?_ The University of Southern California's _School of Journalism_ has been courting him for weeks. He was waiting until after the inauguration to give them an answer, so that if you didn’t want a future together it wouldn’t be awkward. _Do you seriously not know anything about this?_ "

CJ shook her head.

"Something must have happened for him to move this forward. Any ideas about _that_?"

CJ blanched after a moment's thought.

“I pretty much told him that I was going to accept the offer from Frank Hollis. He mentioned needing to send an email but we never talked about it -“

“Because you dropped Toby on him,” Josh said as he drained what was left of his drink. "And by then he'd probably already sent the email to them saying he was interested."

He shook his head sadly at her.

“ _What?_ ”

“He was investing in your future, CJ.”

“So now we’ll both be in California.”

“Your ex-boyfriend puts your things in a box and gives them to your ex-assistant and you think it’s going to be as simple as _let’s shack up in Cali_?” 

Josh signalled the waiter for another drink, and when he realized that CJ wasn’t going to say anything he added, “do I need to explain men to you?”

“ _What?_ ”

“The male brain isn’t a mystery."

“I know that.”

“Do you?"

“Since when are you an expert on relationships?”

The question took Josh by surprise - but he pondered it.

“Since .. since _Donna_ and I became a thing,” he said with a sense of wonder in his voice that made CJ tear up. “We .. I don’t know. I realized in Hawaii that our relationship has been full of blind spots, but also that I’m not afraid of failing and disappointing her? I’m still trying to wrap my head around that one.”

“I’m happy for you, Josh. It’s been a long time coming.”

“No longer than yours. Donna didn't give up on me, don't give Danny up. Call him. "

He reached across the table for her hand.

“I know things haven’t been great between us for a while, but I’m here for whatever you need."

“Thanks.”

“What are you going to do about Toby?” he asked after a while.

CJ took a deep breath.

“I don’t know.”


	3. Things That Remind Me Of You

_**CJ’s Office** _   
_**Wednesday, January 10th @ 6pm** _

“Carol’s here,” Margaret said as she opened the door wide.

The look in Carol’s eyes was soft as she said, “ where do you want it? ”

“On the table is fine,” CJ said as she stood behind her desk.

“Are you okay?” 

She avoided answering and instead said, "thank you for bringing it.”

CJ wasn’t sure what she’d been expecting, but it hadn’t been a box this size. She ran her hand over the lid and tried to remember just how many things she had brought over to Danny’s apartment.

“CJ?”

“Yeah?” 

She realized that Carol had most likely been trying to get her attention for a while.

“Katie Witt is taking over the lease to the apartment. She’s shipping the rest of Danny’s stuff on Friday, so if there’s anything at your apartment that you want to send she’s offered to include it.”

“Okay. Would you ask Katie to swing by tomorrow, please? I’ll give her whatever I have.”

“And you’re sure you’re okay?”

“Yes. Thank you.”

When Carol had gone CJ ran her fingers over the box lid again.

“ _Margaret?_ ” 

“Yes?”

“Do I have anything pressing this evening?”

“Dinner at eight with Kate Harper.”

“Please call and cancel. I’m going home.”

* * *

_**CJ’s Apartment** _   
_**10pm** _

She picked at the food she’d had delivered just long enough to be able to say she’d eaten, and then started to look through her apartment for things belonging to Danny.

The flowers he’d sent her when she’d been promoted had been drying in the guest room since she’d brought them home almost eighteen months earlier. CJ ran her hand across one of the roses and got teary when it crumbled under her fingertips.

She searched high and low for the card that had come with them, but it was nowhere to be found. A vague memory of using it as a bookmark for a while rose in her mind - and then she remembered donating a pile of books to a charity downtown that Charlie volunteered with.

Maybe it had been in one of those books?

In her dresser she found a sweatshirt and a pair of socks that she’d walked away from his apartment with, and she rooted around in her day bag until she found a pen she’d appropriated one evening to scribble something down.

She had intended to divide the items into two piles - what she wanted to return and what she wanted to keep. But looking at the items on the kitchen island made her realize that pickings were slim.

Admittedly most of their time together had been spent at his apartment, but was there truly nothing else?

She tried to cut herself some slack for not being sentimental enough to keep menus or use her influence to get photos of the two of them from some event or other. Or even to keep copies of articles he’d written that she’d liked.

 _Carol probably had a stash of those somewhere_ , she thought to herself a little bitterly.

Other women would have kept the gold bow from that first can of goldfish food, or printed out emails as they came in, she surmised.

Maybe kept everything in a box in the closet?

As all of this ran through her mind, Danny’s box waited accusingly on the counter to her left - and she finally ran out of excuses not to open it.

Lying under the lid, neatly folded, was the checkered robe she’d worn in the mornings at his apartment.

Something she’d always assumed was _his_ , but was suddenly not so sure about anymore.

She set it gently to the side and pulled the item closest to hand out of the box.

The flashback was instantaneous.

_“Hey,” he said after her detail had made their rounds._

_“Oh my God, what smells so good?” she asked as she shucked off her coat and slipped out of her shoes._

_“Potato and cauliflower curry. Plenty left over if you want. I wasn’t sure whether to expect you tonight.”_

_“The review ended early.”_

_“Great. Let me just put this stuff away and I’ll fix us a drink.”_

_“I can do that.”_

_She watched him unpack a bag as she poured the drinks._

_“You went shopping?”_

_“Yeah. Picked up a few things for you while I was at it.”_

_“What’d you get?” she asked as she walked towards him with a glass of wine for herself and some hard liquor for him._

_“Dry shampoo, hair ties, shower cap, hand cream. This is the one you use, right?” he asked as he held it up."_

_“Yes.”_

_There was a question in her tone._

_“May have seen it on your desk back in the day,” Danny said with a shrug. “Figured you were a creature of habit.”_

_“Tampons?”_

_“I seem to recall you having an incident that you seemed unprepared for a few weeks back. Can’t hurt to keep a stash here.”_

_“That’s sweet,” she said as she put the drinks down on the table and started to unbutton her blouse. “But this creature of habit needs food, alcohol, and her fix of you. And not necessarily in that order.”_

She closed her eyes against the memory of being touched and her body responded so viscerally that she had to force them open and give her breath a chance to stabilize.

After a while she felt brave enough to peer back into the box, and removed a few pieces of crumpled newsprint he’d used as buffers.

Her spare phone charger; a book of his that she’d started reading one night while he was on a call with his editor; two pairs of laundered panties which she imagined she must have left on the bathroom floor in her rush to get out the door; a tube of coral lipstick which she remembered replacing when she realized she’d left it there; her favourite shower gel - which had shown up one day and which she hadn’t questioned; shampoo and conditioner she’d _maybe_ used once; and a blow dryer - which she’d never even realized he’d purchased for her.

It was impossible not to compare the two sets of items.

Almost everything in the box reflected the courtesy and care afforded her since November. Items which had made it possible for her to sweep in and out without being inconvenienced.

Everything in _her_ pile reminded her how easy it had been to take whatever she needed.

Toby and Danny’s voices tried to drown each other out in her head.

_“You’re a woman with a lot of options. You’re acting like the world is backing you into a corner. Bouncing from one thing to the next. From Bartlet to Santos to Danny to me. Maybe you should stop bouncing, pick something. What do you want?”_

_“If you don’t know what you want, and if you feel I’m crowding you, this is a bigger conversation”_

But it was the third voice rising above both of them that upset her the most - and her heart and her head revolted against the idea that Josh might have pegged it.

_“So what kind of relationship do you have? The friends with benefits kind where you show up at his place whenever you have an itch to scratch?”_

It hadn't been that way, but she’d been in politics long enough to know that perception was damning and did untold damage in relationships across the board.

She'd gone to Danny's apartment to break things off - he'd been right about that. But part of that had been a reaction to the crisis Toby had triggered in her, part of it had been the pile up of the day, her inability to separate from her job, and her fear.

Her brain couldn’t process that her relationship with Danny was over, because they’d weathered entanglement of their personal and professional lives for so many years and come out relatively unscathed.

He'd gone, but he'd always come back - and the worst was meant to be behind them now.

Her eye fell on the pile of things on the table, and she realized with a heavy heart that she was deluding herself. She was standing here, unsure if she could bear to part with a pair of socks, and Danny had kept _nothing_ to remind him of her.

Even as the thought formulated in her exhausted brain, she laughed derisively at herself.

_What on earth would he do with dry shampoo, half a box of tampons, and lace panties?_

She half sobbed on the realization that the panties were the only truly personal item in the box, and her brain taunted her with the fact that parting with them meant he wasn’t missing her as desperately as she was missing him. It was probably the most ridiculous thought she'd ever had - but she was back to thinking about perception. And that maybe she really was a woman who couldn't handle a good thing when it was standing front of her.

Josh’s voice was very loud tonight, she realized.

_“Donna didn't give up on me, don't give Danny up. Call him.”_

CJ had never had a problem fighting for what she believed in, so reaching for the phone was not a challenge. But she felt her heart break a little when a voice at the other end informed her that she had reached a number which had been disconnected or was no longer in service.


	4. Stark Reminders

_**CJ’s Office** _  
_**Thursday, January 11th @ 3pm** _

CJ appreciated Carol’s solicitude, Charlie reigning in his urge to ask questions, Kate’s tactful navigation around the topic, and Margaret’s role in limiting the traffic in and out of her office once the news had started to spread through the West Wing.

But the dichotomy that was a somewhat guarded Katie Witt looking at her through sympathetic eyes was not something she was equipped for. 

“Hi, CJ,” the reporter began tentatively as she cast a glance at Margaret, who hovered protectively in the doorway.

“Thanks for coming by,” CJ responded as she stood up at her desk and pulled her bag onto it. She made a show of looking inside it as she nonchalantly asked, “do you have Danny’s new number? ”

When the silence had stretched longer than seemed reasonable, she looked at the reporter and added, “the one I have seems to be disconnected and I’d like to congratulate him on the new job.”

Katie reached up under her hair and exhaled softly before responding.

“I’m sorry, CJ, I can’t give it to you.”

“ _Can’t or won’t?_ ” 

She regretted the words as soon as they were out of her mouth.

“I shouldn’t have asked you that,” she added hastily as her fingers curled tightly around the sweatshirt in her bag. “Sorry to have brought you all this way for nothing. I should have left a message for you in the press room that I hadn’t found anything.”

She put her bag back on the window sill and was the picture of composure when she turned back to Katie.

“You’ll wish Danny well for me?” 

Katie nodded and then shot a look at Margaret.

“Could you give us a minute, please?”

Margaret flashed a look at CJ before exiting and closing the door behind her.

“Was there something else?”

“Yes.” 

Katie reached into her own bag and pulled out a package.

She hesitated before handing it to CJ, and she seemed uncertain when she spoke.

“When I was moving my stuff into the apartment last night, I found this in one of the closets. I think it was intended for you.”

“Okay ..” 

“I, uh, wrapped it because I didn’t think it was something you’d want lying around the office.”

CJ was sitting in her chair, turning the package over in her hands, when Margaret knocked and entered a few minutes after Katie's depature.

She stood awkwardly at the edge of the desk until CJ asked her what she wanted.

“I found that number.”

CJ’s fingers itched to take the post-it note from her, but found that she couldn’t. She hoped, as she shook her head, that Margaret wouldn’t make her say out loud that they couldn't use the influence of their office to invade his privacy.

Margaret nodded and walked away, and the sound of her shredder rumbling into action milliseconds later was a stark reminder to CJ that there was too much of the day left to get through.

The millions of people relying on the government to do its job could care less if she was completely shot.

She had just put the package into her bag when Will Bailey sauntered through the door.

“Got a minute to go over something?”

“Of course..” she said, indicating her sofa.

“Actually can you come to my office? I do my best work pacing like a caged animal in my own space.”

CJ suppressed a smile as she stood up; grateful to be exiting her _own_ space for a while.

* * *

_**4pm** _

“Margaret!” CJ called as she walked back into her office.

“Yes?”

“What’s my schedule looking like?”

“You have about twenty minutes until your meeting with the HR attorney from the Hollis Foundation.”

“What’s after that?”

“Meeting with the OMB,” Margaret said from the doorway they shared.

“And then?”

“That could go on a while so I didn’t add anything else in for today. We’ll deal with anything else that comes in on a case-by-case basis.”

“I need you to hold everything for the next fifteen minutes.”

“Okay,” Margaret said as she started to close the blinds.

CJ had just about settled on the couch when a knock on the hallway door made her sit back up. 

Margaret held up a warning finger as she walked over to the door.

“She’s not available,” CJ heard her say to whoever stood out in the hallway. “No, not even for that. You can get in line like everyone else. Come round the other end and make an appointment.”

* * *

_**CJ’s Apartment** _  
_**10pm** _

She put off opening the package as long as she could stand it.

_She opened her eyes, rolled over in search of Danny, and was surprised to find herself alone in the bed._

_A look at his bedside table showed 12pm on the clock and she experienced a moment of blinding panic as she lunged for her phone and her pager._ _The relief when she found nothing on either one of them was palpable, and as she lay back onto the pillows she realized two things in quick succession._

_It was Saturday morning, and this was the first time she’d stayed the night. With luck she’d get to spend the day with Danny. Although speaking of spending the day together, time was a-wasting if it was already noon._

_She pulled on the robe lying at the bottom of the bed and stepped into the living area._

_Danny was nowhere to be seen, but there was coffee in the machine and the morning’s papers were strewn about._

_She poured herself a mug and took the papers back to bed with her.  
_

_“Hey!”_

_She'd been so engrossed in the Post’s lead article that she hadn't heard the key turn in the front door._

_“Hey!_ _You let me sleep in.”_

_“And you didn’t do a runner when you woke up,” he teased. “Impressive.”_

_“That would have been rude.”_

_“And no international crises either? Wow. That has to be a first,” Danny said as he walked back towards the kitchen._

_“We might get a whole Saturday to ourselves,” she replied as she put the paper aside and followed him. “It’s boggling my mind.”_

_“Mine too,” Danny said as he put down the box he was holding._

_“Where’ve you been?” she asked she stood behind him and wrapped her arms around his waist._

_“Taking pity on your security detail,” he said with a laugh._

_“Oh God, we didn’t even tell them.”_

_“I told them at around two o’clock, when I realized you weren’t going anywhere.”_

_“At two o’clock in the morning?”_

_“Uh, yeah. You were out like a light. They’ve never done a shift change here. It was like Fort Knox out there earlier. Didn’t want the neighbors freakin' out.”_

_“So, what, you got them coffee and Danish?”_

_“For the outgoing team at seven, yeah. Lunch for the current lot.”_

_“God, you smell nice,” she said as she sniffed at his neck. “You drive me crazy when you wear this.”_

_“ A timely reminder to get myself some more, then. I’m almost out.”_

_“Hang on,” she said as she swatted playfully at him. “You weren’t taking pity on my security detail. You were ingratiating yourself with them.”_

_“Gotta keep on their good side,” Danny said as he turned to face her. “Otherwise they’ll start lining the hallway again. And that was really freaking the neighbours out.”_

_“So .. you’ve taken care of the members of the incoming team and outgoing team. Did you have anything in mind for the members of this team?”_

_“To celebrate our first official afternoon together?”_

_“Something like that. Gotta make hay while the sun shines, right? It might not last.”_

_“Make hay, huh? Admit that you just want me for my body,” he said with a smile as he tugged her into the bedroom by the belt on her robe._

_“You make me sound like a nymphomaniac.”_

_Danny laughed heartily as he maneuvered her down onto the bed and lay beside her._

_“I never said that.”_

_“But you’ve been thinking it.”_

_“Actually, do you know what I have been thinking about?”_

_“No, but I’m sure you’re about to tell me.”_

_“Katie and Chris told me last week that they were saying in the press room that seventy-five percent of all women never reach orgasm from straight up sex.”_

_“This is what the crème de la crème of the White House Press Corps talks about inbetween briefings?”_

_“That’s beside the point."  
_

_“We don’t have this problem, Danny.”_

_“That’s because you’re horny as all get out every time you show up here ..”_

_“And you are generous with your hands and your tongue.”_

_“That’s great, but ..”_

_“I feel like I’m missing something here.”_

_“Maybe we are?"_

_“Missing something?”_

_“I was doing some research and I came across an ad for this .. “_

_CJ propped her self onto an elbow as he rolled over and opened the drawer to his bedside table.  
_

_“_ _It looks like the appendage on a robot.”_

_Danny laughed and said, “I thought the name was cute."_

_"The C-Shell?"_

_"What do you think?”_

_“You want to get me a vibrator?”_ _“_

_"I want to get **us** a vibrator.”_

_CJ thought about it for a moment._

_“Will this discourage you from .. you know .."_

_“Why would it do that?” he asked as he pulled her robe apart and ran a hand up and down her skin._

_“So this would be ..”_

_“Something that would allow me to really watch as you fall apart,” he said as his hand found its way to the juncture between her thighs._

_"So this is really a toy for you .."_

_"It's a toy for us. I am sure there are ways for you to use it on me, too, if you like."_

_She sucked in a breath and then moaned.  
_

_“Here's the deal. I’ll get this, you get the cologne. Then I can smell nice when we use it and we’ll both be happy.”_

_“I can do that.”_

_“How’s that feel?”_

_She felt her eyes roll back in her head._

_“Don’t stop .._

CJ was jolted out of the memory by the realization that she’d actually held up her end of that bargain.

Margaret had picked up the cologne for her, and she had placed it in her secondary overnight bag. 

The one she kept ready and waiting in the guest room closet for special occasions.

She was so wired from the memory and the constant state of exhaustion that by the time she pulled the bag out of the closet she was almost afraid of what would happen if she opened the bottle.

She remembered reading somewhere that women's attraction to men was driven more by scent than by sight, but it felt like trivia in the moment and she dismissed it.

Her overtired brain supplied that, painful as it might be, the smell of Danny all around her might actually help her sleep. Her overwrought heart told her that she was going to cry herself to sleep.

The internal debate ended when she sprayed Danny’s sweatshirt with cologne and put it on.

She was overdue for a good cry _and_ she needed to sleep in order to be able to function, she told herself as she got into bed and reached for her body pillow.

Tomorrow she would figure out what to do about Toby.


	5. Perspective

_**Will Bailey’s office at the White House** _   
_**Friday, January 12th @ 5.30am** _

The conversations with Toby inside her head were out of control.

Fragments of a relationship which had evolved over a decade and a half and defined so much of her life.

They’d been physically involved once, but that had receded into the background many moons ago. She’d liked Andy more than she had expected to, and would have supported any relationship he’d wanted to be in. She couldn’t say the same about his initial response to Danny, but she knew she couldn’t fault him for that. 

Her mind replayed the last part of their conversation at his apartment.

The doleful eyes, the slight quiver to his voice, and the final resignation.

_“I missed you.”_

_“Yeah. We had it good there for a while.”_

_“Yeah we did. You should go.”_

This was the part she kept coming back to. 

She still wanted to believe that he had been talking about the fact that his best friend had disappeared from his life at was, arguably, his darkest hour - but what if he’d been sending up a test balloon?

A conversation with Danny from the early days flashed through her head.

_“They talk about it here, Danny. They talk about it here.”_

_“And they blame you?”_

_“They don’t say it ..”_

_“But they blame you.”_

_“Yes.”_

_“And you think you’ve let ‘em down.”_

And there it was .. the same feeling she’d had in the pit of her stomach that day. 

_Guilt_ \- that she’d let Toby down by not recognizing what he was trying to say.

There had been so many opportunities for the needle to move on their relationship, and now she was second guessing every time she’d ever passed an off-hand comment to him.

_“Can this be one of those nights when we get sloshed and forget we work together?”_

_“Wow, that would be lovely.”_

Could she have misread the situation all this time?

To her mind they had settled into a partnership which allowed them to be strong for one other when the need arose. That driver/passenger seat pattern had allowed him to support her when the Hoynes sex scandal was unfolding, and had allowed her to be there for _him_ when his brother had taken his own life. 

They’d had their fair share of disagreements, too. He’d cut her to the quick more times than she could count over the years - whether he’d intended to or not. And the shuttle leak debacle had hurt on a whole new level, because it had ushered in a whole new layer. 

That of abandonment.

In these last few months she’d had to reconcile herself to the fact that she was the last man standing in this administration. She’d had to build herself a whole new set of confidants and get on with the job.

The speed with which the convoluted thoughts were bouncing off each other was making her slightly queasy, and it only got worse when Danny - with his love for her and his innate need to do right by everyone - inserted himself into the mix.

She felt as though she were trapped in jigsaw puzzle hell; having assembled four thousand nine hundred and ninety nine interlocks only to have one missing piece suck the joy out of everything she’d worked so hard to put together.

Danny hadn’t been exaggerating when he’d said that carrying the weight of someone else’s emotions was a huge burden. But she’d waited too long and sacrificed too much to give up on the idea of being happy on her own terms. 

It shouldn’t be this complicated.

“Should I be concerned that you’re in my office at six in the morning with the blinds drawn?" a voice asked from the doorway. “And that you seem to have re-arranged the furniture?”

When she didn’t answer, Will walked over to his desk and laid his coat across it.

“If I didn’t know better I’d say you had some gestalt-type thing going on in here.”

CJ ran a hand up and around her face but didn’t answer.

“Is this going to be one of those awkward moments when you sit there looking at me and think I’m going to start guessing what you’re trying to tell me?”

Will cleared his throat, rolled his shoulders awkwardly and sat down on the seat opposite her.

“I’d say use me like a stranger on a train, but we know each other a little too well for that.”

“People do that often, do they?” CJ asked with a wry smile.

“You should know that this hallowed space became the go-to spot for weird and whacky advice after -“

His head shot up.

“This is about _Toby_ , isn’t it?”

“Why would you say that?” CJ asked as she picked imaginary lint from her skirt.

Will looked at her over his glasses.

“Because if this was about Danny you’d be talking to Carol or Kate. You’re here to hash something out with the spectre of the previous tenant,” he said as he stood up. “Guess I wan’t even _that_ off-base with the Gestalt comment.”

“Does everyone know?”

“About Danny?”

“Yes.”

“It lit up the rumour mill for a few days,” he said as he reached for his coat and headed for the door.

“Was it unkind?”

“No.”

He paused in the doorway.

“CJ ..”

“You’re about to give me the male perspective, aren’t you?”

“Actually I’m about to remind you about a conversation we had at forty thousand feet.”

CJ angled her head.

“The one about hard landings?”

“I don’t know exactly what’s going on here, but this much I _do_ know. You’re the plane. Come down hard on the back wheels in an effort to whack the front into place, and you’ll break in half if you hit it wrong.”

He waited for a moment to let his words sink in, and then added, “I’m going to get some breakfast across the street. Stay as long as you need to. And for what it’s worth, I’ve always thought of Toby as your work husband.”

CJ rested her head on the couch as the door closed behind Will, and for the first time in days felt the fog in her head recede.

She could love Toby but not be in love with him - and it would have to be enough.

There was no need to make choices.

She briefly considered calling him - but if he _had_ been sending up a test balloon, the conversation would be unnecessarily cruel. 

January 26th loomed large, and he already had enough to contend with.

* * *

_**CJ’s Office** _   
_**5pm** _

“Have you had a chance to think about what we discussed?” 

Carol and Margaret nodded almost in unison, buoying CJ's spirits a little more.

“I still have a house in the suburbs of LA from my time at Triton Day. The lease was up last week. You can stay with me as long as you like.” 

She gave the first real smile either one of them had seen in days.

“I think this calls for a celebration,” Carol said.

“ _Barrel "_ Margaret said. “Eight o’clock. They have whiskeys from all over the globe. It’s Friday night. Let’s live it up.”

* * *

_**Josh’s Apartment** _   
_**7.45pm** _

“Hey, Danny!”

“Hey Josh.”

“Everything okay?”.

"Yeah. I’m flying into town on Tuesday. Need to sign some unexpected paperwork. Got time for a drink with an old friend before you become the busiest man in America?”

“Sounds good. _Harold Black_?”

“The speakeasy with the secret sliding door on Capitol Hill?” Danny asked with a laugh.

“Yeah. Nine o’clock?”

“Sure. See ya!”

As Josh ended the call, Donna wrapped a leg around him.

“You know you’re meeting wi -“

“Yup,” Josh said as he punched in a few numbers. “Hey, Margaret .. can you check if CJ can meet me for drinks on Tuesday? Things are gonna to get crazy with the inauguration coming up and I want a chance to spend one last evening with her and hear about the Hollis Foundation offer. _Harold Black on Capitol Hill_? Nine? Great. Thanks!”

“You are a bad, bad man,” Donna said as she reached over and kissed him soundly on the mouth.


	6. Speakeasy

_**CJ’s Office** _   
_**Tuesday, January 16th @ 8pm** _

The initial flurry of excitement around accepting the offer from the Hollis Foundation had faded, and CJ felt a headache coming on as she looked around her almost-bare office and strategized about how best to weather the next four days.

She reached absently into her bag and pulled Danny’s sweatshirt onto her lap.

It had helped her sleep a little the first night. After that it had hurt more than it had helped, but she wore it all the time in her apartment now and had taken to keeping it in her bag like a comfort blanket. At some point, she knew, she would have to let it go, but it was too soon for that. 

She needed something to ground her and there was nothing else.

The mental load of the international crisis had not diminished. Perhaps the Russians were more willing to talk now than they had been before the election, but she was exhausted by the calls with the Chinese Defence Minister, besieged by the talk about half a million dead in the news cycle, and haunted by thought of passing the baton at the start of a military incursion she had helped mastermind.

She knew she needed to continue to make an effort to mend fences with Josh, but didn’t think she had it in her to do one more thing tonight.

“Margaret?”

“Yes?”

“Call Josh and see if we can reschedule to lunch tomorrow? I need to go home.”

“He isn’t answering,” Margaret called from her desk a few moments later. “Should I leave a message?”

“Try Donna first. She’ll know how to get in touch with him. If she doesn’t pick up, leave him a message.”

She was wrapping a scarf around her neck when she felt Margaret at her elbow.

“Did you get Donna?”

“Yes.”

“What?” she asked when her assistant showed no signs of moving.

“I think you should keep the appointment,” Margaret said quietly.

* * *

**_Harold Black_ **   
**_Capitol Hill in Washington, D.C._ **   
**_9pm_ **

Danny was pre-emptively buying the first round of drinks when it struck him that the head of hair across the bar looked terribly familiar. He cast his eyes around the room and found the second familiar head almost immediately. 

He knew they’d both have her in their line of sight, so it wasn’t hard to locate CJ.

What a nightmare this had to be from a Secret Service perspective, he thought to himself. Shrouded in semi-darkness in a partially obscured circular booth lit only by candlelight; with the only egress a window behind her with its blinds drawn.

He debated turning on his heel and leaving, but the agent closest to her caught sight of him while doing a visual sweep of the premises. He said something into the device on his wrist and then leaned forward to alert CJ.

Danny smiled apologetically at the bartender.

“Can you change that second drink to a merlot? And make that first one a double.”

He received sympathetic nods from both agents as he approached.

“Hey ..” he said as he slipped into the booth and slid the glass of wine towards her.

She looked so exhausted that he almost reached for her.

“So ..” he said instead.

“I didn’t orchestrate this. I found out by accident at eight o’clock."

“And you came anyway ..”

“Didn’t want you to think Josh had stood you up.”

“So this was Josh ..” 

“Playing yenta.”

Danny laughed. 

“I’m sure he’d be delighted to hear that you called him a gossipy old woman. The word’s _shadchan_ for a man, apparently. Guess he’s not planning to be here to mediate?” he asked as he looked around.

“I don’t bite, Danny .. unless you ask me nicely.”

He smiled at her feeble attempt at humour, and even in the shadows she could tell the smile hadn’t reached his eyes.

“So ..”

“California?”

“You heard.”

“Only that the University of Southern California had been courting you. Everyone has been very careful not to overshare.”

“Guest lecturer.”

“Not a full time gig?”

“They offered me a full time gig and settled for guest lecturer. Work on the follow up to the First Lady’s bio will start as soon as the President leaves office. That will be a full time job all its own.”

“Why didn’t you tell me any of this?”

“I was planning to tell you when I came to bed.”

“And then I dropped Toby on you.”

“There was silence for four days, CJ.”

“You said yourself that I never call.”

“I was hoping you would make an exception in this case. When you didn’t I assumed that you’d either chosen greener pastures or decided to take Matt Santos up on his offer. Either way, I didn’t want to make it awkward. California was as good a place to go as anywhere.”

“I declined the offer to stay on, and I don’t reciprocate any feelings Toby may or may not have.”

“Did you talk to him about it?”

“I didn’t need to. But I did get a bit of help. From Will.”

Danny decided not to press.

“So you accepted the offer from Franklin Hollis?”

“Yes.”

He listened attentively as she explained to him what they would be doing, and seemed genuinely happy that Carol and Margaret would be along for the ride.

“I should go ..” he said when the conversation had come to a natural end.

“I have something of yours,” she said as she reached into her bag and pulled out his sweatshirt.

For a moment she saw his eyes light up, and remembered that it was his favourite item of comfort clothing. And then the light dimmed and he handed it back.

“I can’t take it.”

“Why?”

“It smells of both of us, CJ. It would be too hard. You’ve had it all this time, you keep it. ”

The feel of her hand over his as he started to sidle out of the booth startled him.

“I miss you.”

“CJ ..”

“Do you have somewhere else you need to be? Maybe you met a fascinating woman on the plane over who’s waiting somewhere for you?”

Danny pinned her with a hard look.

“That’s not funny, CJ. It diminishes what I feel for you, and I deserve better than that.”

“ _I miss you_ ..”

He found her eyes brimming with tears, and without thinking he brushed a thumb under her right eye to staunch the flow.

“I miss you ..” she repeated as she moved closer.

“There are people here who know you. At least one member of your detail can hear everything we're saying.”

“I don’t care.”

“You’ll care very much tomorrow.”

“It’s going to be off with the old and on with the new in a few days. They’ll get over it and I'll be gone.”

“CJ?”

“Mmmm?”

“What time did you get here?”

“Eight twenty.”

“How much have you had to drink?”

“Enough to make sure nothing holds me back from saying what I want to say to you.”

“What’s that?”

“That I want to get good at new things.”

“You’re going to have lots of opportunity to do that once you leave DC.”

“I want to get good at new things with _you_.”

She was so close to him now that he could feel her breath fluttering against his skin.

“Don’t do this, CJ. ”

“Come home with me,” she said as she laid her head on his shoulder.

“If I come home with you I won’t want to leave.”

“Would that be such a terrible thing?”

“Please don’t do this, CJ.”

“Can we see each other in California?”

“You’re going to remember what it’s like to have a life again once you get to California. You should leave room for that.”

“I want a life with _you_.”

“You’re so tired, CJ,” he said as he stroked her hair. “You need to give yourself time and space to rehabilitate before you think about stuff like that.”

“Do you want a life _without_ me?”

He was about to remind her that they hadn’t resolved the issue of whether he was crowding her, but it wasn’t a conversation he wanted to have while she was inebriated.

So instead he said, “I don’t know.”

He felt a tiny convulsing sob against the lapel of his jacket and pulled her in close.

“You’ve always shown me who you are, Danny,” she said after a while.

“Yes, I have.”

“Now I’m asking you to let me show you who _I_ am - away from the political webs that have immobilized us all these years.”

“We need to get you home,” he said as he dropped a kiss into her hair against his better judgement.

“Danny ..”

When he finally allowed himself to look into her eyes the intensity floored him, and it took him a moment to realize that she was kissing him.

“Please don’t give up on me,” she said as she pulled away.

Danny took a deep breath and stopped her from moving in for another kiss.

“I’ll get your flight number from Margaret and I’ll be waiting for you at LAX when you land. We can talk again when all of this is in the rearview mirror. I’ll even spring for a tub of sunscreen as a housewarming gift. The three of you are gonna need it.”

“I can be fun you know,” she slurred as he helped her into her coat. “I got arrested once. For stealing a donkey in Cabo.”


	7. Burbank

_**United Airlines Lounge** _  
_**Dulles International Airport** _  
_**Sunday, January 21st 2007 @ 8.30am local time** _

“We’ll begin boarding shortly, Ms. Cregg. Can I get you some more coffee?”

CJ passed on the coffee, asked for a glass of water, and found her thoughts turning to a time in the near future when she would only be recognizable if she wanted to be. The thought of picking up the mail from the end of her drive in sweats, or walking anywhere without a security detail, or having dinner with Dan -

She reined her thoughts in sharply. While she’d known he wouldn’t call, part of her had hoped he would. If nothing else to assure her that he would, in fact, be at the airport when she landed. He had never failed to follow through on anything he said he would do, she reminded herself. Still, the niggling feeling that he might have changed his mind wouldn’t leave her.

She had built up a store of fantasies in her mind about how things would go when they saw one another at LAX - but she knew she had to be prepared for the fact that they might remain just that. Fantasies.

“ _Ms. Cregg_ ..”

She took the glass from the tray and popped an Ambien into her mouth. May as well give it time to start working. She’d have her merlot when she boarded, and settle in nicely for the five plus hour flight.

Upgrading her ticket had been a nice touch by whoever it was on Frank’s staff that took care of travel arrangements.

She made a mental note to thank them.

* * *

**_Danny’s Apartment_ **  
**_Huntington Park, Los Angeles_ **  
**_10am local time_ **

“This is Danny.”

“Hi.”

“Hey! Everything okay?”

“Not really.”

“What’s going on?”

He listened in stupefaction.

“It’s almost three thousand miles ..”

“It seemed like a good idea at the time.”

“What can I do to help? Yeah, she doesn’t land for another two hours, I got time. Do you want me to book you on a flight? Really? Okay. Sure, I’ll .. take care of that and call you back. You’re in a safe place? Off any main roads?”

“Yes. We’ll settle up with you when we get there, Danny.”

“No problem.”

Carol ended the call and found her companion looking at a road map with a smile on her face.

“What?”

“We could take a little detour,” Margaret said.

“Where do you want to go?”

“New Orleans ..”

“That’s not a _little_ detour.”

“New Orleans is great. I moonlighted as a naked sushi model there once.”

Carol laughed before saying, "was that weird?”

“Not really. Ticklish, though.”

“I guess we could always return the rental in New Orleans and catch a flight from there.”

“We could.”

“Let’s do it.”

“Okay!” Margaret said as she reached over into her bag on the back seat. “We’re gonna be stuck here for a while, right?”

“Probably.”

“Here ..” 

She tossed two small liquor bottles into Carol’s lap.

“Where did _these_ come from?”

“The guy at _Barrel_ slipped them to me as we were leaving. The night we went out with CJ.”

They drank in silence, until a smile broke out across Carol’s face.

“You’re having some crazy thought, aren’t you? About being a naked sushi model?”

Carol shook her head but kept smiling.

“Not a crazy thought, just a funny one.”

“What is it?”

“You realize that we're going to have front row seats to the CJ and Danny show?”

"I'll drink to that .."

They uncapped the second of the bottles and clinked them against one other.

* * *

_**Burbank, Los Angeles** _  
_**1pm local time** _

“We’re here.”

CJ felt Danny’s hand shaking her shoulder gently and, sure enough, they were pulling into the drive of her old home in the suburbs.

“How’re you feeling?”

“A little groggy,” she said with a yawn.

The second glass of Merlot on top of an Ambien had been pushing it. She hadn’t stumbled off the plane, or made a fool of herself upon seeing Danny waiting by the luggage carousel, but the car had lulled her back to sleep pretty quickly and she’d missed pretty much everything between leaving the airport parking lot and seeing her mail box for the first time in years.

“Thanks for picking me up,” she said as he popped the trunk.

“You’re welcome. There’s something I need to talk to you about. Can I come in?”

“Sure.”

He followed her in through the side gate and watched as her eyes widened.

“Oh my God,” she said. “I’d forgotten how beautiful this is. And .. wow .. they kept the pool open.”

“You didn't know they had a heater installed and ran the pump a few hours a day?”

“Have to admit, I wasn't paying that much attention. But you know this _how_?”

“I may have sweet talked the property manager into letting me bring groceries by yesterday. Just basic stuff to see you through the next couple of days. I wasn’t sure how you were set up.”

“Oh.” She hoped she didn’t sound as disappointed as she felt. “So you don’t need the grand tour?” 

“I just handed the groceries off, didn't go in.”

“It feels a little soulless, doesn't it?” she asked when she’d shown him round.

“Well it’s just been repainted and everything of yours is either in storage or on its way here. It’ll feel cozier when you’ve put your mark back on it. It’s a beautiful place.”

She opened the fridge and smiled gratefully at him for thinking of everything.

“I gotta tell ya, I’m afraid to think what Margaret is going to suggest in terms of decor. I’m probably going to have to confine her to doing whatever she wants with her room.”

“Okay, uh, speaking of Margaret ..” Danny said as he ran a hand through his hair.

“Yes?”

“Carol called.”

“Carol called you?”

Something she didn’t care to define rippled through her at the thought of others having Danny’s number when she hadn't been privy to it.

“There was an incident on the road.”

“What kind of incident? Are they okay?”

“They’re fine. There was an issue with the car somewhere in Kentucky.”

“Oh God, _my car_!”

“I’m not quite sure what you were thinking letting them drive your vintage Mustang cross country, but the car didn’t like it.”

“Where is it now?”

“I called the closest dealer. They have it, but I asked them not to work on it until you got back to them. The guy actually wanted to know if you’d be willing to sell it to him. I told him I’d pass the message along. Here's the number.”

“What do you think I should do?” she asked as she took in the details on the scrap of paper.

“I don’t think I could part with a Mustang like that if I had one, but that’s just me.”

“Where are they now?”

“Back on the road. I was able to find them a replacement,” he said with a grin. "Wanna see the picture they sent?”

He pulled up a photo of the two women - perched on the hood of a bright red Mustang convertible with their legs crossed and megawatt smiles plastered on their faces.

“Carol said she’d check in with you tonight. They’re on their way to New Orleans. I guess they’ll get here a few days later than they anticipated.”

“Thanks for helping them out.” She stifled a yawn and ran a hand across her face. “I need to close my eyes. But I’m afraid if I do I’ll wake up and it'll be nine o’clock.”

Danny looked at his watch.

“Why don’t you go lie down? I have a call to make and I can wake you up in about twenty minutes.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah.”

* * *

_**2pm** _

He’d been watching her sleep for about fifteen minutes; his fingers itching to touch her. It would be so easy to get into bed next to her. To inhale her scent and touch her skin. She wouldn't resist him, and they would slip back seamlessly into the kind of intimacy that intoxicated his senses and made it impossible for him to think clearly.

When he'd tormented himself almost to breaking point, he knelt by the bed and whispered her name gently.

“CJ ..”

The way she looked at him when she opened her eyes made him wonder how long she’d been aware of his presence.

“You might want to get up now.”

"Hi .." she breathed, reaching out to touch his face as she had countless times before.

Muscle memory was so strong that it took everything he had not to kiss her palm, move on to her mouth, and forget everything he'd just told himself.

“There’s coffee waiting downstairs," he said.

Avoiding her eyes, because he knew he'd respond to the hurt in them. 

“That was more than twenty minutes," she said as she walked into the kitchen a short while later.

He smiled as he handed her a cup of coffee.

“Feeling a little less groggy?”

“The coffee will help, I'm sure.”

“Good. I should really get going. You’ll be okay here?”

She snagged his sleeve as he moved past her, and shot him a look that went straight to his gut.

“You said we would talk when everything was in the rearview mirror. It is. “

“CJ, you just got here.”

“I’ve built this conversation up in my head to the point where I can’t think of anything else, Danny.”

He looked at her for a long moment and then walked back to the coffee machine.

“I think you should take the time to settle in," he said as he poured himself a cup of coffee. "You may find you want - or need - a clean break.”

“Why are you bringing this up again?”

“Because, CJ, less than two weeks ago you thought I was crowding you ..”

“Those were Toby’s words, not mine.”

“Toby didn’t pull those words out of the air. _Something_ you said must have given him that impression.”

“Danny ..”

“It’s going to be a lot of work setting up a new foundation, CJ. It won’t be much different from the first one hundred days and setting the budget. There’ll be long nights, meetings, different types of pressures, a learning curve ..”

“This will be a _walk in the park_ compared to running the country.”

“But you’re going to want to give it everything you’ve got. As you should. It’s going to be important work.”

“Not more important than us.”

“Us?”

CJ went very still except for the hands that shook around her mug.

“What are you saying?”

“That we can’t have a relationship predicated on sex.”

“It was never just about sex.”

“This a lot harder than I thought it was going to be,” he said as he placed his coffee down and put his hands on her shoulders. “And I'm not explaining myself very well. _Don’t turn around_. I don’t want a life without you, CJ, but I can’t go back to feeling like I’m asking for more than you're able or willing to give me. I don’t ever want to feel that way again. There are so many things you don’t know about me. So many things I don’t know about _you_. So many things _you_ don’t know about you, even. Things you’ve forgotten.”

“I don't understand what you're saying, Danny." Her voice cracked just a little. "And this is torture ..”

"I think I'm saying that if we want this to go anywhere good, we should consider -"

"You _think_ you're saying?"

He pulled a business card out of his pocket and placed it in front of her.

“My phone number is on the back."

"You want to _talk_ .."

"I've _always_ wanted to talk, CJ. Let’s start with texting and see how that goes for a while.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I believe it was in 'Black Vera Wang' that we learned CJ drove a blue 1965 Mustang convertible.


	8. Fat Tuesday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who like You Tube videos to go with their fic, here's the song that features in the first part of this chapter: 
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bq4qVsseqxc
> 
> And in case it doesn't load as a link, it's Louis Armstrong - The Mardi Gras March

_**CJ’s House in Burbank, Los Angeles** _   
_**Tuesday, February 20th @ 6.30pm** _

Margaret read out loud from an article on her computer.

“From the late forties until the early eighties, the Notre Dame Mardi Gras was ranked as one of the top three college weekends in the nation. Did you know that?”

“I did _not_ know that,” Carol replied as she did a taste test on the jambalaya. “Would have been before Danny’s time though, right?”

“Yes, but not Jed Bartlet’s. It also says here that big names like Tommy Dorset, Duke Ellington, Louis Armstrong, and The Four Tops all came out there to play.”

“You’re thinking we should play their music tonight?”

“I’d say so.”

“Can you take care of that? I still have okra to cut up and deep fry.”

“Gladly,” Margaret said with a shudder. “Dicing okra makes me uncomfortable.”

“Dicing okra makes you uncomfortable but you were okay being a naked sushi model?” Carol said with a shake of her head.

“I’m quirky that way.”

“Lay the table?” Carol called.

“Already done. What time’s he coming?”

Carol consulted the kitchen clock.

“Thirty minutes.”

* * *

The door bell rang at precisely 7pm. 

“Flowers for the cook,” Danny said with a smile. “And this is for you,” he said to Margaret as he handed her a candle.

She lifted the cap and smiled.

“Gardenia ..”

“Leo’s favourite, right? These are for CJ,” he said as he pulled a bag of goldfish from his jacket.

“You know she’s not here, right?” Margaret said as she took them from him.

“I thought you could put them in her bedroom? She likes midnight snacks.”

“I’ll do that.”

“What smells so good?” 

“Come this way ..” Carol said as she led him into the kitchen.

“What’s all this?”

“We thought we’d do a Fat Tuesday Feast, _Notre Dame_ style.”

“Are you serious?”

“Yes,” Margaret said as she rejoined them. “We have .. jambalaya, chicken creole, fried okra ..”

“Chicken Creole. _That’s_ what smells so good!”

“And we’ll finish off with Bananas Foster Split,” Carol said happily as she started to lead off onto the deck.

"No King cake?" Danny asked, feigning shock.

"We were afraid you'd be insufferable if you found the baby trinket and we had to make you king for the night. You'll like this. Bananas cooked in a buttery brown sugar sauce and doused in dark rum. We'll flame them right before we serve."

"A boozy dessert, huh? Will there be ice cream?"

"Of course! What do you think we are, heathens? Now .. shall we?"

“ _Wait!_ ” Margaret said as she pulled a remote control from a nearby counter and pressed a button.

The _Mardi Gras March_ made Danny’s face break out into a big smile.

She offered him an arm, and Carol offered him another, as Louis Armstrong’s raspy _here comes the big brass band_ floated through the air.

“You guys are something else,” he said as he took in the colours of his alma mater everywhere.

Margaret and Carol shimmied around the deck, clearly delighted with themselves, and Danny allowed himself to relax.

Certainly not what he’d expected when they’d invited him to dinner.

“We wanted to do something special for you after everything you did for us,” Carol said as she pulled out a seat for him at table.

“Wait until we’ve had a few,” Margaret added as she dropped a cloth napkin in his lap and made slide trombone gestures all the way into the kitchen.

“How long has she been drinking?” Danny asked Carol with a raised eyebrow.

“Since five.”

“Maybe we’d better catch up.”

* * *

_**8.30pm** _

"She's capable of drinking both of us under the table, isn't she?" Danny whispered to Carol when Margaret went inside to change the music.

"You better believe it," Carol said with a tipsy laugh. "You okay?"

"Oh yeah. I got plenty of practice holding my liquor when I was part of the White House Press Corps. There was no mercy in that crowd if you were the one under the table."

"I bet. Oh boy .. "

"What?"

"She's broken out the Ella Fitzgerald CD."

"Is that code for something?"

"It means she's had one too many. She'll either get philosophical or we'll get questions out of left field. I'll get the dessert and let you navigate this one," Carol said as she made her escape.

"Gee, thanks."

Margaret had just spooned the first bit of ice cream when the first of the questions came.They got everything from what insect would you scale up to the size of a horse to which sport could you add mandatory alcohol to, and several other random things inbetween.

"Okay, Danny. I have a question," Carol said finally.

“Shoot.”

"I want to join a book club in Malibu and one of the questions on the application -"

"There's an application?"

"Yes."

"What's the question?"

"They want to know which my favourite romantic letter is?"

"In a novel or from an author?" Margaret asked.

"It doesn’t specify. So either, I guess?"

"Do you have one?"

"Captain Wentworth's letter at the end of _Persuasion_."

"That's a nice one."

"I would never have pegged you for a Jane Austen fan, Danny."

"He makes a nice case for men. What’s not to love?”

"True. What's yours, Margaret?"

"I can't say mine out loud," she said as she dropped her voice to a whisper. "But let's just say that anyone who can't get through _Ulysses_ should give the author's correspondence a miss."

"I don't even want to know .." Carol said with a shake of her head. "Do you have one, Danny?"

"Gustave Flaubert to Louise Colet," he said without missing a beat. "I had to write a paper on him in High School. It kinda stuck with me."

"I loved Madame Bovary," Margaret said with longing in her voice.

" _You would_ .." Carol said. "What'd the letter say, Danny?"

"I will cover you with love when next I see you, with caresses, with ecstasy. I want to gorge you with all the joys of the flesh, so that you faint and die."

" _So that you faint and die?_ " Margaret repeated. "That's meant to be _romantic_?”

“Hey! I was a hormone-addled teen with a crush on Molly Johnson. That last part was lost on me.”

“Please tell me you didn’t write it in a note and slip it into her locker.”

Danny just smiled.

"Did they get together in the end?" Carol wanted to know. “Flaubert and Colet, I mean.”

“Nope.”

“What about you and Molly Johnson?”

"Hi."

They turned as one to find CJ standing a few feet away, holding what looked like a bag of takeout in her hands.

“Hi!” Carol said as she jumped up from her seat. “We weren't expecting you back for a few more days.”

“We cut the trip short. I thought I'd surprise you both with dinner but it looks like you're all set here. I guess you can have it for lunch tomorrow," she said as she turned and walked back into the kitchen.

Carol followed her in as the other two started to clear the table.

"She's gone to bed," Carol said when they brought the dishes into the kitchen.

"Was she mad?”

"That wasn't _mad_ , that was something else," Danny observed.

"I should check on her," Carol said.

"I got it."

* * *

_**CJ's bathroom ensuite** _

CJ was brushing her teeth when she heard the tap at her bathroom door.

“Hey ..”

“You okay?”

She shrugged.

“I didn’t mean to suck all of the oxygen out of the air.”

“You didn’t. We were wrapping up. What’s going on?”

“You were right.”

“It was too soon?”

“Yeah. More people displaced out of Somalia, they’re fighting cholera in Burundi. Guinea ..”

“I read the the UN released two plus million dollars for urgent humanitarian aid. They’ve had a bad month with the national strikes and clashes. Guinea’s a mess.”

“Yes.”

“At least there was some good news out of Liberia.”

“I see you’re up on the news out of Africa,” she said with a small smile.

“I lived that life for a while.”

She nodded.

“Besides, you really think I’d stop now, with _you_ out there?”

She smiled at him and then her eyes filled with tears.

“They had found more than one hundred and seven bodies in the Gulf of Aden by the time we left, Danny. The count’s probably higher by now.”

“It is.”

Danny leaned against the door and thought about how he wanted to frame things before speaking again.

“This is going to be a whole different ball game, CJ. Mostly a spectator sport. You’re not going to have the influence to effect change in the same way. You're going to have to get your news like everybody else. And you need to be ready for the fact that there are going to be some very rough days, because there will be.”

“It was hard seeing it all up close and personal.”

“I know,” he said as he stepped aside to let her back into the bedroom.

As she passed by, the smell of her hair took him by surprise and he drew in an involuntary breath.

“What?”

Feeling a little emboldened by the alcohol he lifted a few tresses and brought them to his face.

“I don’t know how to word this,” he said a little emotionally. “You .. you smell of Africa and it's making me nostalgic.”

She stared at him for a while, and he knew there was a question in there somewhere.

“How did you stand it when you were covering the news out there?" she asked after a while. "All the human interest stories? All the corruption, all the suffering?”

“On some days with great difficulty. On those days it helped to have other people to talk to.”

“Other people?”

“Fellow reporters mostly.”

“Any of the female persuasion?”

Danny cocked his head at her, unsure of how they'd jumped to this.

"I'm not following."

"I don't know .. did you ever get lonely out there?"

“Is this your way of asking me if there was another woman?”

“Was there?”

“Yes.”

“Are you going to tell me about her?”

He continued to look at her in confusion.

“Now?”

“Why not?”

“What do you want to know?”

“Was she good to you?”

There was a more than a little surprise written over his face.

“It was a _volatile_ relationship,” he said slowly. “Probably best defined as a train wreck. Not my most shining moment. Pascale was a reporter for _Le Monde_. I met her at a Foreign Correspondents Association dinner.”

“That’s a pretty name.”

“Born on Easter Sunday .. hence the name," he ended awkwardly.

He shifted uncomfortably from one foot to the other.

“I'm going to get going, but .. uh .. maybe let them know downstairs that you’re not mad? They think you’re upset about the dinner.”

“I’m not.”

“ _I_ know that, but they aren’t so sure.”

“They’re sweet. They put goldfish in my room while I was away.”

“Those are from me.”

Her eyes shot to his.

“Really?”

“Yeah. Thought I’d try and get it right this time,” he said as he turned to go.

“Danny?”

He turned back to find her standing right next to him.

“Thank you.”

He smiled a little shyly at her.

“Good night.”

An abrupt kiss landed too close to his mouth to be construed as anything other than what it was, and he’d made an almost imperceptible move towards her when he caught himself. But she hadn’t missed it, and the next kiss landed on his mouth. As did the one after that and the one after that, too. A breathless arpeggio of kisses; punctuation marks in the silent conversation traversing the space between them until his hand stole into her hair and they fell into the hushed rhythm of well-practiced synchronicity.

Danny let the strong emotional moment run its course and then pulled her tightly into him.

“I’m not ready for more than this yet,” he whispered softly to her. 

He felt her swallow compulsively against his shoulder and pulled her head back so that he was looking at her in the eyes.

“ _But_ , now that we’ve kissed, maybe we can skip forward a couple of weeks and and I can invite you out to dinner?”

* * *

_**The Kitchen, shortly afterwards** _

"That sounds rough," Carol said as she slid a cup of chamomille tea along the counter at CJ.

"We have our work cut out for us."

"It will be good work."

"Yes it will, and I'm glad you're going to be with me."

"Will there be a lot of travel involved?" Margaret asked.

"I imagine that there will. At least in the beginning."

"And the Gulfstream?"

"A long haul G Five."

"Like the one Apple gave Steve Jobs as compensation?"

"Yes."

"Fancy."

"Very."

"Comfy?"

"No Air Force One, but it beats flying commercial."

"Beds?"

"Yes."

"Plenty of windows?"

"Yes."

"Bar?"

"Yes."

" _Great_. What more do we need?"

CJ laughed and then said, "can I use your computer for a minute?"

"Sure," Margaret said as she slid it across the kitchen island.

CJ ran her search and then sat back and looked at the screen.

"Who's that?"

"Pascale Aubinet .. although I'm probably massacring her last name."

"Is it just me," Carol said as she came close and peered at the screen, "or does she look like you?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just putting it out there that I am not bringing Pascale into this story. I just wanted a bit of backstory filler.


	9. Outside Forces

_**The Bartlet Farm in New Hampshire** _  
_**March 14th @ 5pm** _

“What’s on your mind there, Mrs. Bartlet?” Danny asked as he looked up from his notes. “I can hear you thinking.”

“Danny, you’re writing my biography at the end of an eight year administration. We’re going to talk about a lot of private things. Some of them things I’d rather not talk about. So, how about we start by dropping the Mrs. Bartlet. And then .. how about some quid pro quo?”

“What do you mean?”

“Clue me in. Something’s going on."

“I wouldn’t want to bore you with the trivia of my life.”

“Nice try. I’ve heard three texts, two missed calls, and a voicemail come in and I couldn’t help but notice that you haven’t checked your phone in a few hours. We’ve stopped a few times, so how about we start with why that is?”

“Trying to stay focused. We still have a lot to get through before I leave tonight.”

“Hate to break it to you, but you’re not going anywhere tonight. All flights have been cancelled due to the weather. That’s at least one of the texts and calls waiting on your phone, I’m sure.”

Danny checked his phone, groaned, and started to collect his things.

“I need to find a hotel before the roads -“

“Everything out there is shut down by now, Danny. I can’t, in good conscience, let you leave. Plenty of bedrooms here, you can take your pick. But here’s what’s going to happen now. I am going to get a start on dinner. You’re going to keep me company. And when you’re ready you can start talking.”

* * *

“What am I drinking?” Danny asked suspiciously after a while.

“Vodka.”

“I know that, but this is going to my head.”

Abbey smiled sweetly.

“Pincer.”

“ _Pincer Shanghai?_ ”

“I believe that’s what it is, yes,” she said innocently. “I broke into the VIP stash just for you.”

“That’s almost ninety percent proof alcohol!”

“I’ve been known to wear Jed down and get what I want, Danny. But that sometimes takes days and we don’t have that kind of time. So think of this as .. liquid encouragement.”

“You’re killing me here, Mrs. Bart - Abbey.”

“See .. Abbey. Progress.”

“I really don’t think CJ would appreciate me talking about her.”

“Right now I’m more concerned with what’s bothering _you_.”

“How’s that not talking about _her_?”

“Oh for God’s sake, Danny,” she said as she topped up his glass. “Have another drink and start somewhere. Think of me as an agony aunt, if it makes it easier. Maybe I can help.”

“Dear Abby, huh?” 

Danny cracked up, and Abbey went back to stirring the pot as she saw him drain his glass.

_Atta boy._

It would only be a matter of time before he spilled his guts. 

“Where should I start?”

“The part where you showed up again this last time.”

Danny looked at her with pleading eyes, but capitulated within moments of being on the receiving end of her displeased stare.

It all came tumbling out haphazardly. 

The two dinners, her arrival on his doorstep the night after Leo died. He told her about the six forty-five conversation; the offer from Matt Santos; the awkward conversation in the middle of the road; how she’d come to his apartment at the end of that terrible day, intent on breaking things off, and how he’d de-escalated the situation by telling her that it was okay to be scared. He waffled his way through the Toby part, the choices he’d made, the emotional encounter at the bar, how he'd felt the day she arrived in L.A.

He looked distraught by the time he got to the night she’d come back unexpectedly from Africa and found him in her house with Margaret and Carol - and something else that Abbey wasn’t quite sure she had a handle on yet.

“Okay,” she said encouragingly. “So whatever’s bothering you happened between then and now. Maybe at this dinner you invited her out to? You did _go_ to dinner?”

“Yes.”

“And?”

 _Dear God, it was like pulling teeth_ , she thought as she looked longingly at the bottle of Pincer.

_“Something’s on your mind,” he said as she picked at her appetizer._

_“Are you going to ask me whether there were other men?”_

_“I don’t need to ask you. I know there were.”_

_“You kept tabs on me?” she said with a small laugh._

_“The White House rumour mill isn’t limited to staffers," he said with a shrug. "Also, you weren’t the only one with people trying to talk you out of stuff.”_

_“By people you mean Katie and Chris ..”_

_“And a few others. People can’t resist sharing gossip when they think you should know it.”_

_“Really?”_

_“You sound surprised. I even heard that someone delivered an invitation to dinner in a basketball shoe to the North Gate the day you were the most powerful lesbian in the country.”_

_“This is freaking me out a little.”_

_“_ _Me too.”_

 _“_ _We should drop it.”_

_“Good idea.”_

“And that’s how the dinner started. Right out the gate.”

“Clearly she _wanted_ to tell you about the relationships she’d been in.”

“I gotta be honest with you, Abbey. I’ve never really understood why women feel the need do that.”

“Sometimes it’s a sign that they’re not over someone, sometimes they’re trying to make their new partner jealous. And sometimes .. _sometimes_ it’s a point of reference.”

“You’ve lost me.”

“Did she ask you about the women in _your_ life?”

“Yes.”

“Were you honest with her?”

“Why wouldn’t I be? It’s the past. I can’t change it.”

“What did you tell her?”

“That there was one relationship, and that it was a train wreck.”

“She was probably trying to tell you the same. The last guy she dated seriously while she was still Press Secretary ..”

“Ben ..”

Abbey nodded.

“That was a train wreck, too. She may have been trying to tell you that she sees the past as a tool to help her grow into her relationship with you.”

Danny shifted uncomfortably at the kitchen island.

“Let’s have it,” Abbey said.

_“This is our time now. We’ve earned it.”_

_“It can only be our time when ..”_

_“It can only be our time when what, Danny?”_

_“When you stop shifting the goal posts in our relationship.”_

_“What’s that supposed to mean?”_

_“It’s a pattern, CJ. First you didn’t want to see me until after the inauguration, then you showed up at my door. Then you were there when it suited you, then I was crowding you. With hindsight, it’s been like that since the very beginning. Seven years of push and pull.”_

_“Not all of that was me. You were back five minutes when you dropped the Shareef bomb on me. That wasn’t shifting the goal posts?”_

_“We weren’t in a relationship then. I was trying to be as upfront as I could. That was a pattern too. My pattern."_

_“After you kissed me in the middle of the briefing room ..”_

_"It's my pattern to be honest with you at all times, no matter how hard._ _You’re slipping back into old ways, CJ,” he added gently._

_“Don’t you dare say I told you that you were going to do this,” she said as she pushed the food around on her plate angrily._

_“I don’t need to tell you, you already know,” he said quietly. “You didn’t want to take proper downtime because you’ve worked so hard for so long you don’t know what to do with yourself if you aren’t busy. I get that. It’s why I suggested you spend some time on your own - so that we wouldn’t be here again.”_

_“You told me we would figure this out together,” she snapped. “I don’t understand how we’re supposed to do that if you insist on keeping me at arm’s length."_

Abbey looked at him curiously.

“Are you?"

"Am I what?"

"Keeping her at arm’s length?”

“That’s what I’ve been thinking about ever since she said that.”

“Maybe she's had all the space she can handle, Danny. Being Chief of staff was a very lonely job. Leo had been married for over twenty years, had Mallory. CJ was playing by a whole different set of rules than him to begin with. He had his relationship with Jed, she had hero worship. She sublimated what she wanted, but couldn’t have, into work. And now she needs to remember who she was before all of that was dropped into her life. She’s counting on you to help her remember. You love her enough for that. _Oh please_. Don’t look at me like I have three heads. You wouldn’t have come back, and you sure as hell wouldn’t be sitting in my kitchen feeling sorry for yourself if you didn’t love her. Nobody’s that much of a masochist, so let’s not pretend here, shall we? Have you told her?”

“She knows how I feel about her.”

“Some women need to hear it, but that’s not really what I’m asking. The real problem here isn’t whether you love her or don’t love her, it’s that you don’t trust her with your heart anymore.” She watched his shoulders sag and patted his arm gently before picking up the bottle. “Do you need more of _this_ before we address the elephant in the room?”

Danny sighed.

“She makes me greedy. I’m terrified of becoming that man again.”

“Have you told her?”

“I tried.”

" _Try harder_. CJ is cut from the same cloth as Jed, Danny. One of the most loyal people I have ever met. A _for lifer_ once she commits to something. She may be more ready than you give her credit for. Just don’t knock her up, okay? Jed would have an aneurysm. And speaking of Jed .. I’m going to go check on him.” She laid a hand gently on his shoulder. “Maybe take a moment to respond to your texts while I’m gone? We’ll be having dinner soon.”

* * *

“What was all that about?” Jed asked as she walked into his study. “I walked by the kitchen about ten minutes ago and it looked like therapy central in there.”

“ _Men_ ,” she said as she threw herself onto the couch and kicked off her shoes.

“Are you going to share how _that_ particular speciman failed to meet with you approval?”

Abbey shot him a look of disdain.

“I may have changed the trajectory of _your_ life, Jed, but ..”

“Yeah, you did ..” he said as he dropped onto the couch and pulled her into his side.

“ _But_ , not everyone has it that easy.”

“So, what, you think Danny’s giving up? After all this time? What's it been? Seven years?"

“I think he’s scared.”

“ _Scared._ _Danny Concannon_. How about you tell me what’s going on?”

“Remember CJ in the early days?” she asked when she’d told him all she knew.

“Yeah. I remember telling Leo and Josh that she was like a fifties movie star. So kind, so loving.”

“Right. Until you asked her to jump off a cliff for you."

“That wasn’t for me, that was for the job.”

“Yeah, well, people like Leo and CJ can't tell the difference. And, by the way, Danny also used the cliff metaphor on her. A different kind of cliff to be sure, but a cliff nonetheless. Those kinds of metaphors stick in the brain.”

“Sounds to me like he proposed to her.”

“Maybe subconsciously he did.”

“She turn him down?”

“The San Andreo reactor ruined the moment.”

“ _Abigail._ I know that look. Don’t get involved.”

“Oh I’m not getting involved.”

“Good."

She ran a hand affectionately through his hair.

“Do you remember the night Hurricane Sarah hit?”

“Yes,” he said warily.

“I told you that you didn’t have the power to fix everything but that I _loved_ watching you try."

“You also told me I had an ego the size of Montana.”

“Well you know what? You have the power to fix _this_.”

“You want me to talk to CJ.”

She raised her eyebrows at him.

“Tell me you aren’t serious.”

“I’m serious, Jed.”

“What do you want me to do? Read him the riot act?”

“Just talk to him. One Notre Dame man to another. Encourage him. Tell him about the three legs on the stool in a relationship.”

“I could tell him about creative things he could do _with_ the stool.”

“Jackass!”

“I sure hope _that_ doesn’t make it into the biography.”

“I’ll make sure the readers know it’s a term of endearment," she replied sarcastically.

“You _really_ want me to give Danny a pep talk. You know that, technically, we should be Team CJ, right?”

“Being Team Danny tonight is going to mean Team CJ in the long run. And you know what else?"

“What?”

She leaned in closer and whispered, "do this right and there might be something in it for you later.”

“Is that so?”

“It is.”

"Guess I’d better get right on this, huh?" 

Abbey smiled.

“Jed?” she called as he had almost reached the door.

“Yes, Abigail?”

“ _Anything_ but Ephesians. The boy has enough on his mind already."

Jed rolled his eyes.

“You spoil all my fun ..” 


	10. Incrementalism Is Not An Option

_**CJ’s House in Burbank** _   
_**March 26th @ 11pm** _

Carol looked up from her book when she heard the tap.

“What did she say again?” Margaret asked as she popped her head round the door.

“Not to wait for her for dinner.”

“There was nothing on the schedule after the call with Nairobi at 8 o’clock. It was only meant to last an hour. I called her direct line. She isn’t there.”

“Don’t you think we’re jumping the gun a little bit?”

“Did she look okay to you this afternoon?”

Carol thought about it for a moment.

“Not really.”

“Don’t you think she’s felt off for a few days?”

“Yes,” Carol conceded. “At first I thought it was because Danny didn’t make it back from New Hampshire before we left for the meeting in New York, but -“

“I’m calling her cell,” Margaret said as she hovered in the doorway.

“Do you think she had another argument with Danny?”

“I don’t think so." She looked discomfited when she looked back at Carol. "Straight to voicemail."

“Maybe she went to Danny’s apartment?” Carol said hopefully.

“I heard her talking on the phone with him this morning. Confirming dinner tomorrow night, so I don’t - ”

“Maybe I’ll just text him and make sure?” Carol said tentatively.

“Isn’t it kinda late?”

“You’re worried and now you’re making me worry, so ..”

“Okay.”

* * *

_**Danny’s Apartment in Huntington Park** _   
_**11.37pm** _

Danny found his mind drifting back to the conversation with Jed Bartlet as he walked towards the recycling containers in the parking lot of his apartment.

When the phone vibrated in his pocket, he put his bags down and looked expectantly at it. Fully expecting it to be CJ. His brow furrowed when he saw Carol’s number instead.

_Is CJ with you?_

_No._

_Okay, thanks.  
_

He had just dropped the bags inside the container and turned to go back inside when he caught a flash of baby blue in his peripheral vision. 

He dialled Carol’s number.

“She’s sitting in her car in my parking lot.”

“How long has she been there?”

“I don’t know, but I’m about to find out. I’ll get back to you.”

He approached the Mustang slowly, and stood to the side until she had seen him and rolled down the window.

“Hey ..”

“Hi.”

“Everything okay?” 

“There’s something I need to talk to you about, Danny."

"Okay."

"I didn’t want to tell you in a restaurant full of people.”

“You wanna maybe take this inside? You look half frozen out here.”

“I lost track of time.”

“How long have you been sitting here?”

“A while.”

“How long’s a while?”

“Nine thirty.”

"Come inside," he said as he pulled the door open. “Can I get you a drink?” he asked as they stepped into the apartment

“No, I ..”

“What’s going on?”

“I should tell you right off the bat that I called Abbey, and she told me -"

“I figured it would only be a matter of time.”

“You did?”

“I didn’t ask her to keep our conversation to herself. When President Bartlet started quoting Corinthians at me, I figured she’d told _him_ and -”

“Oh lord, she didn’t tell me _that_ part. I’ve been sitting with this on my chest for three days, Danny.”

“Why?” he asked as he sat her down at table, threw a blanket around her shoulders and rubbed them vigorously to warm her up. “I was planning to tell you tomorrow that I had spoken with both of them.”

“You were?”

“Yes. Is that what you came to talk to me about?”

“What did you and the President talk about?”

He noted the deflection, but decided to let it go for the moment.

_“I could watch her all day, you know. Abbey. They say you get past the point of infatuation, but I’m still infatuated with her after forty years of marriage, Danny. I fell in love with her passion and zest for life the first week I met her, and I wanted to be near that energy every day of my life. Still do.”_

_“You’ve been very blessed, Sir.”_

_“I have. Everyone talks about communication being key. Seems to me like you and CJ may have some catch up to do in that department, but you’ll figure it out. What you’re going to find, though, is that the magic ingredient is respect. And that respect is the foundation of good communication.”_

_“I can appreciate that.”_

_“They talk about seventy-thirty, eighty-twenty in relationships. But sometimes it’s ninety-ten, and it can stay that way for a long time. God knows we had plenty of that when we were in office,” he said with a regretful shake of his head. “Duty, responsibility, life .. it all gets in the way of being able to truly see one another.”_

_Danny nodded, knowing all too well._

_“If you don’t want to build a house of cards, you have to be ready to build that house together. So that when your partner is stumbling around in the dark you don’t get spooked, you stand still. Do you understand what I’m saying to you?”_

_“I think so, Sir.”_

_“Hurt and hope are two sides of the same coin, Danny. Women have an incredible way of letting us know what they need, if we listen closely enough, but you need to decide how much work you’re prepared to put into this. Preferably before you see her again.”_

“Do you want out?” 

Danny stroked her cheek with the back of his hand and shook his head.

“Okay,” she said as she wrapped her arms around his waist and leaned into him.

He felt her take a deep breath and rested his chin against her head.

“How about you tell me what it is you need? I’m listening.”

“Delia came by today.”

Not what he had been expecting.

“Delia, Frank’s wife?”

“Yes.”

He stopped for a moment to think about what he knew about Mrs. Hollis, as he tried to interpret the tension in CJ's body language.

“Something upset you. What was it?”

“Do you remember the incident that I wasn’t expecting at your place a few months ago?”

“The reason I bought you tampons, yes.”

“I think things are changing, Danny.”

“Okay ..”

He pulled a chair up next to hers. Already piecing together what was going on, and knowing that this wasn't easy for her to bring up or talk about.

“Did Delia bring the new baby to the office?” he asked gently.

He saw her eyes fill with tears. 

“Carol and Margaret lost their minds and I couldn’t even hold her, Danny.”

“How long have you been feeling like this?”

She shrugged.

“Until this morning I would have sworn it wasn’t really a thing.”

“I’m told it’s definitely a _thing_ ,” he said as he pulled her close. “It’s been on your mind for a while then.”

“Yes."

“Okay. So to be clear, you’re telling me you want a baby.”

“Yes.”

"With me."

"Yes."

"I gotta say it feels like a demotion that you’re going from wanting me for my body to wanting me for my sperm ..”

She half laughed, half sobbed.

“Please don’t joke about this, Danny.”

“You really want a baby ..”

“Yes.”

“Okay.”

“Okay just like _that_? No hesitation?”

“I’d be lying if I said I wouldn’t have liked some time to ourselves before diving headfirst into a sea of _hormones_ , but I also know that we’re not getting any younger. So yeah, okay.”

“You want a baby ..”

“With you? Yes.”

He kissed her on the forehead.

“You know it might not work ..”

“Will you obsess about it?”

“I’m obsessing about the lifespan of my eggs, Danny, so probably. _What?_ Why are you laughing?”

“When I said we would get good at new things, I didn’t think it would be _this_.”

"This feels a little surreal, doesn't it?"

"A little. But it beats not knowing where I stand, and I'll take it."

She gave him a teary smile.

"Lots to talk about, huh?"

“Yeah," he said as his eyes ran over her face. "I should call Carol. Let her know you’re okay.”

“I should go.”

“ _Stay .._ ”

His fingers brushed against her cheek; ushering in a moment of stillness and instantly changing the atmosphere in the room.

“Hey Carol ..” he said as he tucked an errant tress around CJ's ear and pressed his mouth against her right temple. “Yeah, she’s okay.” The feel of her open mouth against his neck made him curl his fingers in her hair. “She’s staying the night.” He pulled her head up and rubbed his nose against hers before running his thumb over her lips. Shivering a little when she kissed it. “I’ll tell her. Night.” He snapped his phone shut and dropped it on the table. “Carol says good night,” was all he managed to say before her mouth met his.

The tinge of hunger in her kiss lit the fuse of his own, and he interlaced his fingers with hers until the moment of intensity subsided into something more tender. They walked around the apartment together; exchanging soft kisses and caresses as he locked the front door and turned off the lights on the way to the bedroom.

The whisper of fingertips against her skin as he undressed her made CJ’s head spin, and she knew he felt the same, but there was something tentative in his touch.

“What is it?” she asked as they stared at each other across the pillows.

“I know I said that incrementalism wasn’t an option,” he started carefully, “but nothing’s happening tonight.”

“It doesn’t _feel_ like nothing’s happening ..” she teased as she brushed him gently.

“Here's a shocker. I’m not stocked up on anything. But more importantly, I’m pretty sure you need to be taking stuff for a month before we start trying. It’s going to be a high risk pregnancy by default, CJ. We should play by the rules on this one.”

She stared at him for a moment.

“You’ve been thinking about this, too,” she said in amazement.

“I have. I wanted it to be part of that conversation we kept shoving downstream.”

“Why are you always one step ahead of me?”

“Because I’ve had a lot more time to think. I’ve had a lot more time to dream.”

“About us?”

“Yes,” he said quietly as he reached out and shifted some hair out of her eyes “About us, together like this.”

“Figuring things out ..”

“Yeah.”

“Danny?”

“Yeah?”

“I don’t think I can keep my hands off you.”

“I didn’t say you had to.”

“So we’re going to make out like two teenagers in your bed ..”

“Unless you want me to make a midnight run to the pharmacy.”

“That would kill the mood,” she said as she reached out to touch his face.

“It would,” he replied, returning the gesture. “Maybe we can think of it as rediscovery? It’s been a very long time since we took the time to touch each other. I need you to touch me as though you see me. I need to touch _you_ and be sure you know I love you.” 

He gasped as her fingers stroked him, and for a moment he froze. Terrified of the vulnerability she was exposing him to. But her fingers danced on his skin and the fear dissipated in the hiss of heat their proximity generated.

She murmured to him what she wanted, and followed his lead when it was his turn to murmur.

“I see you, I know you love me, and I love _you_ ,” she whispered when their breathing had evened out and they were floating in an endorphin haze together.

“I’m going to clean up,” he said after a while. “And then there’s something _you_ should know.”

He found her propped up on an elbow when he came back from the bathroom.

“What do I need to know?” she asked with a smile playing on her face. “That you’ve been _training_ me all this time?”

“No, but that would have been quite funny.”

She gave a tiny chuckle and nestled against his chest. 

“What then?”

“Before we go down this path, I have to tell you that one thing is non-negotiable.”

“What’s that?”

“The moment you get pregnant, I go where you go. Not to your meetings in the US. But anything international, I’m there.”

“Okay. Anything else?”

“I don’t think so. _Except_ ..”

“Oh my God, what is it with you laughing and cracking jokes in the middle of important stuff?”

“This isn’t a joke. Something just occurred to me."

"What?"

"I can teach you to ski when I teach the baby.”

“You’re crazy.”

“Just thought you should know what you’re getting into, is all.”

She laughed.

“I think we’d better get some sleep," he said as she stifled a yawn.

“Danny?” she whispered as the room plunged into darkness.

“You want to know which part of Corinthians he quoted, don't you?"

"Yes."

He smiled against her hair.

“The part which says that love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”


	11. The Tryst

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You'll need to think back to 'What Kind Of Day Has It Been?' for the first few lines, and I know you'll recognize bits and pieces from other episodes, too. It'll be like a trivia game!
> 
> For those of you who like to know the location of a scene, you're looking for photo 19/62 here:
> 
> https://www.airbnb.com/rooms/46377975?adults=10&check_in=2021-04-23&check_out=2021-05-11&federated_search_id=8b3b5f97-708c-4f9b-bb31-bbc32d387a5d&source_impression_id=p3_1614883260_fnXTXFYa5a5NmZxU&guests=1

_**Home of Frank Hollis in the Malibu Coastal Hills  
September 28th, 2007 @ 11am** _

“I got your text.”

“Hi,” CJ whispered.

Danny looked around.

“Are we being watched right now?”

“No.”

“Then why are we talking like this? Why are we meeting in a _sauna_ at the edge of the property?”

“Margaret has ears like a bat.”

“You’re not making any sense.”

“She wouldn’t let me see you.”

“You’re going to see me in a couple of hours.”

“I know, but I need to be able to give today the kind of concentration it truly deserves and I thought maybe you’d like to kiss me .. “

"One last time before you become my wife?”

“Something like that.”

She gave him the kind of look which made his heart expand.

“Okay. But before I do, I hear it’s customary for the groom to give his bride a gift.”

“You got me a gift?”

She looked expectantly at him, and her face lit up when he held up a transparent bag with a goldfish swimming about in it.

“What’d the guy in the store name _this one_?”

“He was conflicted.”

“We can figure it out together ..”

“Preferably _after_ I kiss you."

“ _Careful of the fish_ ,” she said as she took the bag from him and placed it on the bench behind her.

He grinned and started to reach for her.

“Danny?”

“Yes?”

“Do you remember how you kissed me the first time?”

“Is this a trick question?”

“No, I ..”

“What?”

“ _Don’t smile_.”

“Well when you lead like _that_ ..”

“I’m trying to bare my soul to you here."

“Is this another girlish thing?"

She gave him a mock glare before continuing.

"I’d never shared that kind of first kiss with anyone before. And _before it goes to your head_ ,” she added as she saw his eyes glitter with mirth, “it wasn’t the fact that you grabbed me. It wasn’t even the fact that you linked your fingers with mine. It was the brush of your lips against mine after you - “

He pulled her head towards him and pressed his mouth to hers.

A kiss replete with promise; an infinite number of loving thoughts distilled into a single moment of tenderness, which he perpetuated by a secondary graze of his lips against hers.

“Like that?”

She wrapped her arms around his neck by way of answer, and he smiled as he dropped a kiss into her shoulder in return.

"CJ?" he asked after a while.

"Mmmm?"

“Isn't there a hair and make up team waiting for you somewhere?”

“Yes,” she said with a bit of a shudder.

“You may want to consider heading back there? Margaret probably has a search party out already.”

"A few more minutes?"

"How are you feeling?” he asked as he held her close and ran his hands up and down her back.

“Better than yesterday.”

“You’re sure you want to announce this afternoon?”

“Yes.”

“Okay. I'm going to go now because I don't want to run afoul of Margaret."

CJ laughed.

"Say .." he said as he reached the door, "what are you wearing?”

She laughed again and stopped him as he was opening it.

"Good things come to those who wait, Danny," she said as she kissed him one last time.

“ _What are you doing?_ ”

They turned to find Margaret standing there with hands on her hips.

“It was her idea,” Danny threw over his shoulder. “See ya!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who has indulged me and followed this story through to its end. I truly appreciate every comment and kudo ❤︎


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